Until last night, I didn’t play Fall Guys. I appreciate the silly physics and I have a soft spot for battle royales. But I’m terrible at them. The pressure gets to me, as I imagine it’s gotten to Tim until today. For over a week he’s been beset by last-second failures (beware the swears and a lot of yelling) and tragic losses. Nobody has let him live it down. He’s been roasted by the official Fall Guys account. Not just once, but several times. Twitch have given him a ribbing too. There’s an entire chronicle of his losses and close calls on ESPN. My partner has been following the ups and downs too, which was part of what finally got me to press that “Add To Cart” button. I guess I’d just heard enough about Tim’s near misses that I felt I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t that bad. Oh, but I am. I get the same last-second jitters in Fall Guys that I feel when I break the top ten in a round of PUBG. I sweat. My chest burns. Some mistake always mucks it up. I’ve only been playing Fall Guys for one night, so my saga of slip-ups isn’t quite as lengthy. Still though, I had begun to worry. I feared that my fate might be linked to Tim’s. At last, today, Tim has finally pulled out a win. (Again, beware the yelling.) Of all things, he finally nabs a crown during a round of Hex-A-Gone in which platforms disappear as players jump on them while trying to be the last to fall. ESPN, Twitch, and Fall Guys have all congratulated him. “HE DID IT” is trending on Twitter. Celebration is in the air. Tonight I’ll try my luck at Fall Guys again. Maybe there’s hope for me too. I probably won’t start watching TimTheTatman though. Sorry, Tim. If you too have found yourself tricked into picking up this bubblegum-colored hellscape, RPS have ya covered with a guide to winning every round of Fall Guys. Guess I’ve got my reading cut out for me this evening.
