In These Uncertain Times (™), though, I returned to DD, because I thought maybe some virtual dad dating can help me through the lonely hours where all I crave is a cuddle from a comforting, burly fella. But first, I gotta build my own Daddy. I’m unfortunately unable to give my character my septum piercing, and the hair that most closely resembles mine features a different-coloured streak in it, but check me out! Quite the looker, right?

No, I don’t actually look like that, the three body types available were ‘athletic’, ‘slim’ and ‘thick’ - lanky was not an option. It’s cool though. I’ll look like this one day I’m sure. I hang out with my delightful daughter, Amanda, and figure out my backstory. We have some Dad/Daughter banter, where I embarrass her with old photos and she needles me for my bad jokes. Good times. Aaaaaand here we are, back in the coffee shop. Mat, the coffee dad, greets us and immediately starts talking about poems. I order a Chai Antwoord. Mat is impressed. Amanda orders a Macchiato DeMarco.

I’m absolutely going to date this man again. He’s also impressed by my suggestion of ‘Banana Bread Kennedys’ for the name of his banana bread. I’ve remembered why I played so little of this game now - the dad who I’m absolutely going to make my boyfriend is the very first one you meet. A handsome, brooding man catches my eye from across the bar. I’m not interested. I’ve chosen my daddy, and you can’t top him (ha ha).

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